THANK YOU to our client Diana for sharing her raw emotions, struggles, and tips on how she conquered the evil that previously destined her to a life of yo-yo dieting and despair. Take it away, Diana …
Let me say at the start that I didn’t expect to write this to you. In fact, until now, it never occurred to me that it was possible to have confidence that, after a big weight loss, I could really hope to stay at my goal weight without torturing myself over every bite I put in my mouth, always fearing:
“Will this meal be the one that starts me bingeing and gaining again?”
Because that’s what always happened before. After a period of eating healthfully once I’d reached my goal, I’d eat a “fattening” food, like a pizza (which other people would consider a normal indulgence), and be plunged instantly into despair. I felt certain I’d damaged my weight-loss success so badly, there was no point in continuing the struggle to maintain it.
Of course that wasn’t so on the basis of eating just one meal, but that’s how I’d feel. In time, with repeated episodes of overeating fattening foods and beating myself up about it, those feelings began to erode my sense of well-being about my weight and appearance. Eventually, I came to think that getting fat again was inevitable. Gorging on food was back in control—so why not just let go and start bingeing again?
As I write this, it occurs to me that there was a kind of relief in letting go and stuffing again; at least that way of living was familiar to me. I knew what it was like and what would happen because of it, even if I didn’t like it. (Maybe it’s similar to going back to relationships that hurt, a sort of “better the devil you know” feeling.)
Whatever it was, I felt trapped in it, and I was.
Until now.
What’s Different This Time?
I’ve spent a long life feeling helpless to stop this cycle of weight gain and loss and gain-back. But I never lost hope completely, or I wouldn’t have started over so many times!
And this time, my hope is coming true. I’ve discovered a practical way to stay at my healthy weight, day by day, letting myself overeat sometimes, without fear that sometimes eating a lot of food that isn’t “good for me” will set that dreaded cycle off again.
Okay. Having put that remarkable statement out there, I need to confess that I’m no weight-loss paragon. In fact, like so many times before, I did start to gain back the 82 pounds I most recently lost. The way I was able to stop it is what I hope will help you in the same situation.
It happened just as I’ve described. After a couple of weeks at my new healthy weight, I ate a big pizza, beat myself up about it, and didn’t check the scale the next day because of course I’d have gained weight, and I couldn’t face it. That “freedom” from discipline set me up for another big meal the very next day, and the following morning I again didn’t weigh myself. This behavior increased over the next week until I could clearly see that the slim clothes I was wearing were tighter.
I was gaining weight again.
I honestly don’t know what made the difference in my response to gaining the weight compared to the return to habitual overeating that happened every other time. But this time, I gathered my strength to weigh myself and learned I’d gained 8 pounds. Of course I was upset about it, but knowing where I stood with my weight was somehow comforting. I had the fact of my weight on which to base a new way of dealing with it.
First, I put myself back on my program for several days and lost several of the extra pounds. That felt good, but then I wanted another “fattening” meal. I decided to think of it as the occasional treat that most people enjoy without guilt, and I did. I ordered a plain pizza rather than a loaded one, and I enjoyed it! I told myself I would NOT feel guilty about it, and I WOULD weigh myself the next day.
Sure enough, next morning I was about 2 pounds heavier. But I said to myself, “Wouldn’t that be expected of anyone who ate such a meal the night before?” I clung to that thought and worked hard to keep out the old, harmful ones. I again ate healthfully as I’d learned in my program, lost several more pounds, and then went out for a big meal again, weighing myself the next day and accepting the slight gain—which still showed that overall, I had lost 5 of the 8 pounds I’d gained. Before long, I’d lost all 8 pounds while still enjoying a big meal now and then.
And at last I’d learned a way to beat the gain/loss/gain-back cycle. It was scary at first, because the old thoughts still had a big place in my head. But as you’ll see, it worked.
How I Do It
Here are my rules for myself:
- I weigh myself every morning and use the result to guide that day’s eating.
- I accept that it’s normal to eat a big, even “fattening” meal now and then, and I make sure to enjoy it.
- I team up that meal with the next morning’s weigh-in and take steps to lose any extra weight before going out again. It helps to look forward to those indulgent meals while, in between, enjoying the “good for me” foods that make it possible.
- I keep in mind that I’m doing great by controlling my weight within just a few pounds, which is completely reasonable and normal (versus the old feeling that a single “slip” would doom me to gaining 50 pounds immediately, so there’s no hope). I look good and feel good, and having an easygoing approach to my weight is helping me stay that way.
Now, here’s the best part. Over a few weeks of finding the courage to 1) weigh myself every day and recognize small gains as normal and 2) accept that eating large meals isn’t evidence of what a bad person I am but just the opposite, it gradually got easier to do both, until I’m really comfortable with eating food I like and accounting for it day by day. And I’m staying at my healthy weight.
Well, there it is. And I hope you can make it work for you, too.
Thanks so much, Diana! So helpful.
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